What is the soul? The answers to that question seem to vary depending on what time period or culture you derive it from.

Varying Hindu, Buddhist, and Jain sources refer to the soul through the term आत्मन् (Ātman), which can translate to breath, or essence. While the three beliefs have very different perspectives on the nature of Ātman, there is a collective agreement that the soul refers to a sense of self, or being. That the distinction of Ātman requires a form of sentience, where the ability to think and feel are determinant of having Ātman. Another aspect of Ātman (at least from a Theravadan Buddhist perspective) is that it is ever changing, flowing, and ultimately impermanent.

Ancient Greek philosophers of the 5th or 6th century seemed to equate the soul with presence. The soul was referenced through the word έμψυχος (émpsukhos), meaning "animated" or in other words, having life or being alive. There is some irony in the word émpsukhos and it's translation of being animated, as early Greek philosophers like Thales would postulate that inanimate objects capable of animate action (like magnets causing objects to move) could be considered alive, and therefore have a soul.

Christian theology seems to reference the soul in many ways and make clear distinction that it is separate from the spirit, the heart, the mind, and body, but at the same time is in some form or way connected with them all. That it is our permanent material representation and being as we are alive, and our permanent immaterial representation after we depart.

Modern scientific scholars seem to have a different opinion altogether. Freud referred to the soul as the psyche, and how it regulated both our conscious and unconscious thought. Neil Degrasse Tyson stated in one of his interviews that the soul itself didn't exist, and that our sense of being is derived from the neurosynapses of our brain.

Where am I going with this? The title of this blog post is a follow-up to my previous post (https://www.globalfastfit.com/post/in-search-of-self) in which I reference the search for self as a retrieval of one's soul. That the ailments that come from what I now know as dysautonomia (https://thedysautonomiaproject.org/dysautonomia/), strip its bearer of that sense of self through a mental process called dissociation.

The medical help I've received and the lifestyle changes I've made have allowed me to regain some of my working and long-term memory back. More information can be processed with each passing day, and some day to day activities that were once difficult e.g. reading, writing, driving, etc. are now beginning to shift back to normal.  

And yet still, one does wonder if the end of this journey to recovery is enough for the solace I seek. Does it return to a point where I can become who I once was? Will I be the same person who enjoyed the things that I did, or are those lost forever? Are they lost because of the illness itself, or the journey it put me through? Is that journey just an aspect of Ātman? Or should I just be thankful that my existence has émpsukhos. Do I have to wait until I depart to get my answer? Or is there nothing in the end, but neurosynapses that just may or may not function effectively again?

One does wonder.